The call for service the other evening contained many familiar elements. A person with mental health and drug-related issues was causing problems on public transportation. This time, the man was smoking cigarettes on a bus, shouting obscenities at other passengers, and refusing to get off. The driver parked at the next bus stop and waited for the police to arrive and assist.

The first couple of officers on the scene attempted to engage and reason with the man, but he was uncooperative and responded angrily. De-escalation has become both a legal and anecdotal requirement in the state where I work, and these officers demonstrated high emotional intelligence as they continued communication, waited for additional resources, and ensured the remaining passengers safely exited the bus.

Soon, more officers arrived, and the crowded space turned into a frenzy of activity as it was time to arrest the man. He immediately resisted attempts to take him into custody, leading to the deployment of pepper spray, a Taser, takedowns, and ground control. The man added to the chaos when he vomited and defecated.

When I arrived on the scene, officers were still struggling to handcuff the man. As I stepped onto the bus, the lingering molecules of pepper spray pierced my eyes. The air was saturated with the distinct smells of capsicum, vomit, feces, and mildew. I have always hated foul smells, and it took all my willpower not to dry heave. I tried to breathe through my mouth and immediately tasted the unpleasant mix of odors in the air. After a few more moments, the man was detained and on his way to jail.

Afterward, when I sat in my police car, I reflected on the experience. The sights and smells were still vivid in my mind. The man we just dealt with was disgusting—ugly inside and out. Yet, a stark reality often confronts me after such encounters: God’s grace is the only reason I am not that man. Accepting this truth can be challenging. Our world, ego, and the devil feed us a constant stream of self-inflated, ego-centric thoughts and emotions. Even as followers of Christ, it is easy to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. Although I firmly believe in focusing on the power and freedom we have in knowing Jesus rather than dwelling on who we were before knowing Him, I find it incredibly important to regularly reflect on the amazing grace shown to me.

As a Christian, I find police work often presents a strange dichotomy: administering justice and accountability while also embracing compassion and empathy. This dichotomy spans a vast spectrum of situations, and each shift can encompass a challenging blend of emotions. When I encounter calls like the one above, reflecting on grace helps me recalibrate and reflect on truth. It serves as a powerful antidote to cynicism, anger, and bitterness. It prompts my heart to pray for the unlovable person I encountered, gently reminding me of God’s perfect love, power, and grace. He chose to love me even when I was His enemy, unlovable, and spiritually dead. I love because He first loved me. This perspective fosters empathy and keeps me focused on loving God and others in a way that highlights His mercy and grace.